Ethan Watters, author of Making Monsters and Therapy's Delusion recently toured the states promoting the release of his latest book, Urban Tribes. As a follow-up to our first interview with Ethan, we had the opportunity to chat with him about his recent marriage to Rebecca and the birth of his daughter, Cora Josephine. A veteran of the urban tribe and a retired single, he offers some insight and advice to those of us who are single, trying to find a comfortable place in society to inhabit and cultivate our perspectives.

1-42 :: What are your thoughts on Reality Television, i.e. Real World, Joe Millionaire, Big Brother, Sorority Life? How do your think these shows influence American youth and their interpretations of friendships, love, and society?

EW :: We are extremely good as humans to understand the social demand characteristics of a situation and then manifest what is desired of us in that situation. With regard to Reality TV, I sense that the producers encourage the cast members to behave in a certain way. Take, for example, a news reporter interviewing teens on site of a recent school shooting. The reporters push the mic into their faces and ask the teens about their feelings, and they respond exactly in the way they are expected, breaking into tears and hysteria. However, these are not their real feelings regarding the school shooting, but rather the demand characteristics relative to such a horrific event. With regard to Reality TV, we don't see the demand characteristics imposed on the cast, but we do see the result of it. They know that millions of young people are watching them and so they act in a way that the viewers might expect them to act, or want them to act for entertainment purposes.

1-42 :: Living in a capitalist society makes it difficult for artists to survive and feel socially accepted. Should they even have to be accepted by society?

EW :: An artist is an outsider. The creative person is not a joiner. He is not necessarily pushing against society but rather a singular mind attempting to express himself in society. Obviously there will be some tension between the artist and society in terms of accepting his vision. Being within a group provides the artist with the support needed to stick to his creativity. I really do think that within a group of friends, the artist will be more likely to fulfill his creative ambitions. When you start applying for grants and restricting your voice in that way, especially early in the development of your craft, you may compromise your voice. Within the group, you have no limits, as opposed to the society at large, nonprofit organizations and government organizations. Within the tribe, there is no compromise like the one within the society at large to gain acceptance. Po Bronson, my partner in establishing the Writers Grotto in San Francisco, and I interacted with writers within the group for five years before publishing a single thing. But within our group we were writers. Even now, I still look at the members of my group for opinions. Other socially accepted and established critics literally mean nothing to me, they do not matter in terms of my self-perception as a writer.

1-42 :: Was there any envy within your tribe?

EW :: There was some sense that if someone got published, that was a reflection of the other members of the tribe. Support is crucial for success. Within a tribe, friends come together helping the creative endeavors of one person, and when that person achieves success, that success transcends across the entire tribe. That success partly belongs to all those that gave support. Furthermore, inspiration is spawned within each member to accomplish their own creative endeavor, with the confidence that they will receive support in turn. It’s a wonderful society within a tribe. Everyone helps each other succeed. There is no place for envy within a tribe.

1-42 :: Are you familiar with Letters to a Young Poet, by Rainer Maria Rilke, or Shakespeare’s Venus and Adonis? In one of his letters, he discusses premature relationships and how they are detrimental to a individualism. He warns the young poet against falling in love for the wrong reasons and having the guts to embrace individualism and understand the self, rather than becoming dependent on lovers for acceptance. In Venus and Adonis Shakespeare challenges sexual social norms by creating a male character who refuses the seductions of a beautiful woman. Adonis tells Venus that she must not fall in love with him because he does not yet fully know himself. If these writers were alive today, what would they say about urban tribes?

EW :: I could not have been the partner I am now at 28. There are two schools of thought regarding the unity of a relationship. One is that two people complete each other. The other, which I support, is that individuals have to be fully formed in order to be a valuable mate. It takes longer for us to become that fully formed person in our day and age. There are many opportunities for men and women to explore the world and discover their niche, one that will make them feel fulfilled and complete. Without my tribal years, without my single years, I would not have grown into the man that Rebecca wanted to marry. Shakespeare and Rilke would most likely agree that being good at being single doesn't mean you’re bad at getting married.

1-42 :: A generation ago, men had most of the responsibility of supporting his family. As a result, this influenced his career decisions. Why does this pressure on men, individuals, still exist?

EW :: Pressure doesn't come down from society, it comes from the individual himself. It depends on the school of thought he belongs to regarding relationships. If he feels that he must be fully formed then he will take time to establish himself. But it’s important to understand that being fully formed does not solely refer to career, but to the individual’s understanding of life in many areas, including spirituality, culture and love. These are important factors that determine how complete a man is. With regard to career and supporting a family, of course it's important to have the resources to support a family. But it's also important to realize that in today's day and age, women are equal in the running for successful careers. The responsibility is shared. Individuals shouldn't feel rushed to commit to any one career for the sake of having the resources to support a family. As I said, it's ok and even advised to take advantage of your single years.

1-42 :: You talked about the colors of a peacock's feathers, which, for male peacocks, are the appeal and sole draw in mating. What makes individuals attractive mates?

EW :: During my late 20s and early 30s, I felt held back in the sense that I had not yet become a man in full, relative to my place in the world. I was drawing away from commitments because I had not yet established myself as a stable man. It took me a while as a writer to reach a potential that determined me as a socially accepted writer, a published writer. I always considered myself a writer. It's not about money but rather the status we gain in the eyes of society. And that status makes individuals attractive as a mate.

1-42 :: What is your tribe's next step?

EW :: Friends within a tribe understand what is expected of you.My tribe grew so naturally that, at this point, my endeavor is not to have any expectations but rather to let it take its next step naturally. I realize that my tribe and my place within the tribe will change as I take on new familial responsibilities. I try not to overpredict the answer to the question as to whether tribes are everlasting. I don't expect the tribe to disintegrate. I suspect it will evolve into a different form and purpose and I look forward to what form it will take. My focus is my family, but Rebecca and I intend to find a way to use the energy that still exists from my tribe years.

For Ethan's Top Five Things to Tell Your Parents When You Are Still Single at Age 30 (or 35, or 40), check www.urbantribes.net

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A photographer and filmmaker, Peter is currently working on a photo and journalistic piece on breast cancer among women in their 20s, a documentary covering the issue of Stigma among the youth living with HIV and AIDS, and a docu-drama about the life and resilience of the homeless. Write him at peterm@onefortytwo.com